Danielle, this is a really inspirational movie about this teacher and it was a good movie to watch. Good choice. I think you did a good job capturing the essence of the teacher, her purpose and the final results. The fact that she was brave enough to go to this school in the first place and then actually realize that this was where she belonged is an incredible story. If I hadn’t seen the movie I would still have a pretty good idea of what it was about. I like how you point out her strengths and weaknesses, the walls of ignorance and prejudgices she has to work around and the constant threat to her life and ultimately her marriage.
There were a couple of things I wondered about in reflecting back on the movie. You mention on page 2, paragraph 2 that Erin tells the kids that they are Nazi’s. I thought that she intercepts the photo you refer to later in your paper and then tells the class about the Nazi’s and what they did to the Jews. I think she did a comparison of the behavior and actions and what the results could lead to. I think this might be a strong point to make in your paper because of the parallel it brings to the story and to their lives. On page 3, Paragraph 1, I’m not sure how “incredibly naive” fits in. I read this to say “incredibly ignorant”. Is she talking about the other teachers and administrators? Help! Then in the same sentence, I don’t think you need a comma after “administrators, who don’t agree”. Looks like one sentence. page 4, paragraph 1, line 7, what does the line “I don’t see skin color” relate to? At the bottom of Page 4, second to the last line, “who think she might fail, won’t” to “who think she might fail are wrong” or “who think she might fail have misjudged her”. page 4, last line, “she might have also been” to “might have been or “also might have been”. Page 6, paragraph 2, line 10 “although it seemed that everytime(blank) said she couldn’t,” Ok that’s all I am going to about your very good paper for tonight. It’s good though. Keep painting.
I would like to comment on my own blog: After reading Katie’s paper, it’s a wonder why Allison chose to put my up. I’d also like to say after reading my paper over and over again and finding certain things I’d like to expand on and revise, I can see where confusion can come from. I know we all are the worse critic of ourselves…but let me know what I really should or need to do to get my paper perfect!! I know I need to expand on the “LINE GAME” that’s a definite…and I would really like to rephrase and make my conclusion a lot stronger!! So give it to me people!!!Thank you and I greatly appreciate it. yes there is a part in there where I say she is “incredibly naive” because i was quoting someone else’s thoughts on her tactics…and I was counterarguing that, but I can see how I might need to rephrase that. And I know there’s a part where it says I don’t see skin color, where I also need to explain my reasoning for saying so. There is a ton more I would like to say and do, but 150 is good enough for me tonight. And there is also a ton I want to say in my paper, but I’m sure Allison doesn’t feel like reading a 20 page paper…(haha)
Wow Danielle you did great!! I’ve never seen this one but through your paper I have a pretty good idea about it now. I like how you described her career as a teach and how her inspiration wasn’t a form of boost to her ego but a calling in a sense. I believe we are a called to do something in this life and those who find their true calling are truly happy. Many times our friends, family and even spouses can’t handle the dedication that is placed and leave. I didn’t really notice any spelling or grammar errors, cause I was so involved in your paper. I think Allison has picked well in the two papers she has put up so far. I agree that you need to expand the line game, I have played it before I think but I would love to hear about it again.
This was a very good essay, and the start of it was good. Then you started to just throw information out there and using different terms like Nazis and so on and didn’t really explain really why they were in detail. You just kind of brushed over it. If you would go into a little more detail in some parts it would turn from a good essay to a very good essay. Now even with the middle being a little confusing the conclusion was a very good conclusion. Especially that last line about moving mountains. Even if someone didn’t agree with your essay they would have to agree that a teacher is supposed to be there to help the students see the other side. To help them get by obstacles by pushing them even harder and not giving up on them. You have to give respect to the teachers that keep a positive attitude even though the students are fighting them all the way.
Your paper was well written over all. last night when i read it, i had a little bit of a hard time though. it was a little hard to find your thesis, it might have just been me being tired though. You raised plenty of well worded and well backed arguments that fit right into what i thought your thesis was. I liked your argument of how she wanted to prove people wrong by doing something that everyone else thought was to be impossible. i also really liked how you introduced your paper using a metaphor for teachers. you defend that teachers need to have a passion to do what they do or they will fail really well. Overall it was pretty good I just had a hard time with the thesis, but the information you presented and the punctuation and sentence structure was nicely done.
Great paper a pleasure to read. I particularly liked the fact that although I’ve never seen Freedom Writers I had a pretty good contextual basis to go off of simply from your quotes and descriptions. This movie isn’t in a genre that I would typically pick to watch but it seems like a very great and very inspirational film. There absolutely do need to be more teachers out there. I liked the part in which you ask the reader to think about any teachers that they’ve had that have influenced them in such a way. Reflecting upon that question actually brought up a lot of memories from a long long while ago. I believe this was a strong paper because you were very familiar with your subject and able to directly quote large portions of it in supporting your thesis. It would be a grand thing to have more teachers like Erin Gruwell as they always leave a lasting and profound impact on students lives. I can still recall all the teachers I connected with on a personal level and it always forced me to do better in their classes than any others.
Danielle, this is a really inspirational movie about this teacher and it was a good movie to watch. Good choice. I think you did a good job capturing the essence of the teacher, her purpose and the final results. The fact that she was brave enough to go to this school in the first place and then actually realize that this was where she belonged is an incredible story. If I hadn’t seen the movie I would still have a pretty good idea of what it was about. I like how you point out her strengths and weaknesses, the walls of ignorance and prejudgices she has to work around and the constant threat to her life and ultimately her marriage.
There were a couple of things I wondered about in reflecting back on the movie. You mention on page 2, paragraph 2 that Erin tells the kids that they are Nazi’s. I thought that she intercepts the photo you refer to later in your paper and then tells the class about the Nazi’s and what they did to the Jews. I think she did a comparison of the behavior and actions and what the results could lead to. I think this might be a strong point to make in your paper because of the parallel it brings to the story and to their lives. On page 3, Paragraph 1, I’m not sure how “incredibly naive” fits in. I read this to say “incredibly ignorant”. Is she talking about the other teachers and administrators? Help! Then in the same sentence, I don’t think you need a comma after “administrators, who don’t agree”. Looks like one sentence. page 4, paragraph 1, line 7, what does the line “I don’t see skin color” relate to? At the bottom of Page 4, second to the last line, “who think she might fail, won’t” to “who think she might fail are wrong” or “who think she might fail have misjudged her”. page 4, last line, “she might have also been” to “might have been or “also might have been”. Page 6, paragraph 2, line 10 “although it seemed that everytime(blank) said she couldn’t,” Ok that’s all I am going to about your very good paper for tonight. It’s good though. Keep painting.
I would like to comment on my own blog: After reading Katie’s paper, it’s a wonder why Allison chose to put my up. I’d also like to say after reading my paper over and over again and finding certain things I’d like to expand on and revise, I can see where confusion can come from. I know we all are the worse critic of ourselves…but let me know what I really should or need to do to get my paper perfect!! I know I need to expand on the “LINE GAME” that’s a definite…and I would really like to rephrase and make my conclusion a lot stronger!! So give it to me people!!!Thank you and I greatly appreciate it. yes there is a part in there where I say she is “incredibly naive” because i was quoting someone else’s thoughts on her tactics…and I was counterarguing that, but I can see how I might need to rephrase that. And I know there’s a part where it says I don’t see skin color, where I also need to explain my reasoning for saying so. There is a ton more I would like to say and do, but 150 is good enough for me tonight. And there is also a ton I want to say in my paper, but I’m sure Allison doesn’t feel like reading a 20 page paper…(haha)
Wow Danielle you did great!! I’ve never seen this one but through your paper I have a pretty good idea about it now. I like how you described her career as a teach and how her inspiration wasn’t a form of boost to her ego but a calling in a sense. I believe we are a called to do something in this life and those who find their true calling are truly happy. Many times our friends, family and even spouses can’t handle the dedication that is placed and leave. I didn’t really notice any spelling or grammar errors, cause I was so involved in your paper. I think Allison has picked well in the two papers she has put up so far. I agree that you need to expand the line game, I have played it before I think but I would love to hear about it again.
This was a very good essay, and the start of it was good. Then you started to just throw information out there and using different terms like Nazis and so on and didn’t really explain really why they were in detail. You just kind of brushed over it. If you would go into a little more detail in some parts it would turn from a good essay to a very good essay. Now even with the middle being a little confusing the conclusion was a very good conclusion. Especially that last line about moving mountains. Even if someone didn’t agree with your essay they would have to agree that a teacher is supposed to be there to help the students see the other side. To help them get by obstacles by pushing them even harder and not giving up on them. You have to give respect to the teachers that keep a positive attitude even though the students are fighting them all the way.
Your paper was well written over all. last night when i read it, i had a little bit of a hard time though. it was a little hard to find your thesis, it might have just been me being tired though. You raised plenty of well worded and well backed arguments that fit right into what i thought your thesis was. I liked your argument of how she wanted to prove people wrong by doing something that everyone else thought was to be impossible. i also really liked how you introduced your paper using a metaphor for teachers. you defend that teachers need to have a passion to do what they do or they will fail really well. Overall it was pretty good I just had a hard time with the thesis, but the information you presented and the punctuation and sentence structure was nicely done.
Great paper a pleasure to read. I particularly liked the fact that although I’ve never seen Freedom Writers I had a pretty good contextual basis to go off of simply from your quotes and descriptions. This movie isn’t in a genre that I would typically pick to watch but it seems like a very great and very inspirational film. There absolutely do need to be more teachers out there. I liked the part in which you ask the reader to think about any teachers that they’ve had that have influenced them in such a way. Reflecting upon that question actually brought up a lot of memories from a long long while ago. I believe this was a strong paper because you were very familiar with your subject and able to directly quote large portions of it in supporting your thesis. It would be a grand thing to have more teachers like Erin Gruwell as they always leave a lasting and profound impact on students lives. I can still recall all the teachers I connected with on a personal level and it always forced me to do better in their classes than any others.