I think this a common story line you are writing about .It reminds me of a tv series that used to be on tv called Carter ,with Gabe Kaplin as the teacher and John Travolta as one of the students .They dealt with some of these same issues but not to the extreme that this teacher came in contact with.I came across a couple of things in your paper I thought you could be more clear on .In the opening paragraph you talk about the teacher in one sentence then the next is about a student and then you go back to talking about the teacher in the very next sentence. I thought you might be more clear to the reader if you finished your thoughts with the teacher first ,then go to talking about the student . In the first paragraph on pg.2 you ask if the teacher was able to do it ? I didn’t understand what she was supposed to have done? I didn’t know what you mean’t by the line game you mentioned on pg.3 either ,maybe you could explain that a little bit more . I hope this helps .
Good job on your paper. I haven’t seen this movie but it sounds interesting from reading your paper. It is a good thing in todays world color isn’t such a big issue. I do not think a person is different because of his or her color either, I think it all has to do with what is inside that really counts. I do have to agree with glenn about the whole one subject going onto the next but than going back to your first subject. I think thats what lost my attention while reading your paper. I also saw a few minor errors which you could look over and fix for the final next Tuesday. Over-all I think you did a good Job!
Good paper!! I thought that it was a very easy read and was not boring at all. I like reading papers that are understandable and you accomplished that with this paper. I think it’s important to have that quality in a paper when talking about such a heavy subject because it is very easy to sound critical and too well thought out, which can come off as very offensive.
The only thing I thought you could expand on was the paragraph about her giving up her marriage for the kids. It’s explained that she did the action, but it didn’t really explain why. She had to go through that emotional ultimatum and explaining that would further impact the point of the paper.
I also found little spelling and grammatical errors here and there. I had a teacher in high school teach me to read my paper backwards word for word. It won’t make sense, but I guarantee you’ll find 99% of those errors. It totally works!
Hi Danielle. I am proud of you!! Great paper; I know that we commented once that sometimes it is a struggle to come up with things to write about, but you were passionate about this movie and it shows!! I love your intro. It really drew me in to read the rest of the paper. I also like that there are so many things that relate to the modern day world of racism between all. When you talk about the line game- I would like to know what that is. I also like the questions you pose- one specific one- “Does it mean that we have the same, nose, lips, or hair?” This also makes your reader think. I also really like the scene that you inserted about when the kid goes back to school after being evicted and his perception of what was going to happen and what happened, based on Ms Gruwell’s ability to bring those students together was not what he expected. The conclusion would probably be the weakest part; maybe it just needs a few additional words: “Gruwell took her seat in the office for her review…and with the continued passion of what she knew was right by students and the world.” She proved her “rivals” wrong by continuing the thankless by others, but knowing the students would be changed forever….? Nice Job!
I agree with you I think that Erin helped them out and provided something safe for the students to go and be themselves and not have to worry about what their parents said was their “own kind”. What really hit me was the quote from the boy who got evicted, he didn’t even want to go to school, but when he realized that he had his fellow students and classroom. He called it home, I have been through not having a place to call home and when someone goes out of their way to provide you something like that, it makes you unselfish. Erin did help the students but ultimately it was the students choice if they were going to change their lives or not. I did not see any big spelling errors of mistakes but then again I am not very good at pointing out those sorts of things. Any who great paper Danielle you did a great job.
Sounds like a great movie, as well as a good topic to write about. You picked a good focusing question. When you talk about how miss Gruwell plays the Line Game I have no idea what that is so you might want to expand on that and let us know how its played and why it was or is significant to the students chage. I’m not going to go into the grammatical or spelling errors because I’m sure everybody has those and they will be corrected soon if not already. You have soom good sorces, although some times I’m not sure why you are using a source’s quote or why it was important to your paper, so maybe you could follow them with a more concise sentence as to why you chose it. Good job.
This paper was a great essay. The opening was captivating and inviting. I love these kinds of drama’s myself. I love movies that reflect real life that are inspiring and motivating. Just like Dangerous mind this movie is meant to inspire the younger generation and adults alike. This paper was well thought out. It was also a kind of in your face type of movie. The writer caught that idea and played with it as well. The writer also brings these ideas to us by asking some pertinent questions of us. This topic is close to my heart as both my parents were teachers and I myself am going to become a teacher as well. It is interesting that we claim to do all this for the students but when the money is tight it is the students who get DINGED first. This paper was not only well written but obviously well thought out and laid out. GREAT JOB!
nice blog sources. i never thought about that: using blog reviews to relate comments from a blog to a movie then to using them in your paper. sounds like a good topic for you, sounds like this movie was a topic that was easy for you to write about. i liked how you tied in your focusing queston throughout the paper. Yea u got to wonder why some teachers would put them into a situation like that. they either really want to do something that helps out the problems students may be facing in a particular community or they have no other option. i don’t quite believe my second option. a teacher needs to be extrememly dedicated to her profession to go into a neighborhood like that and expect to make a difference. i think you were right by saying, a teacher doesn’t gain trust by concrete things he or she does but rather in showing them the way and “not talking down on them”. this teacher didn’t neccesarily talk a gangster into throwing his gun away, but she implied the realization that it was the wrong thing to doing. but student on the other hand didn’t know any better before she came. it was probably protection from the harsh, brutal lifestyle of the neighbor’hood’.
I think this a common story line you are writing about .It reminds me of a tv series that used to be on tv called Carter ,with Gabe Kaplin as the teacher and John Travolta as one of the students .They dealt with some of these same issues but not to the extreme that this teacher came in contact with.I came across a couple of things in your paper I thought you could be more clear on .In the opening paragraph you talk about the teacher in one sentence then the next is about a student and then you go back to talking about the teacher in the very next sentence. I thought you might be more clear to the reader if you finished your thoughts with the teacher first ,then go to talking about the student . In the first paragraph on pg.2 you ask if the teacher was able to do it ? I didn’t understand what she was supposed to have done? I didn’t know what you mean’t by the line game you mentioned on pg.3 either ,maybe you could explain that a little bit more . I hope this helps .
Good job on your paper. I haven’t seen this movie but it sounds interesting from reading your paper. It is a good thing in todays world color isn’t such a big issue. I do not think a person is different because of his or her color either, I think it all has to do with what is inside that really counts. I do have to agree with glenn about the whole one subject going onto the next but than going back to your first subject. I think thats what lost my attention while reading your paper. I also saw a few minor errors which you could look over and fix for the final next Tuesday. Over-all I think you did a good Job!
Good paper!! I thought that it was a very easy read and was not boring at all. I like reading papers that are understandable and you accomplished that with this paper. I think it’s important to have that quality in a paper when talking about such a heavy subject because it is very easy to sound critical and too well thought out, which can come off as very offensive.
The only thing I thought you could expand on was the paragraph about her giving up her marriage for the kids. It’s explained that she did the action, but it didn’t really explain why. She had to go through that emotional ultimatum and explaining that would further impact the point of the paper.
I also found little spelling and grammatical errors here and there. I had a teacher in high school teach me to read my paper backwards word for word. It won’t make sense, but I guarantee you’ll find 99% of those errors. It totally works!
Hi Danielle. I am proud of you!! Great paper; I know that we commented once that sometimes it is a struggle to come up with things to write about, but you were passionate about this movie and it shows!! I love your intro. It really drew me in to read the rest of the paper. I also like that there are so many things that relate to the modern day world of racism between all. When you talk about the line game- I would like to know what that is. I also like the questions you pose- one specific one- “Does it mean that we have the same, nose, lips, or hair?” This also makes your reader think. I also really like the scene that you inserted about when the kid goes back to school after being evicted and his perception of what was going to happen and what happened, based on Ms Gruwell’s ability to bring those students together was not what he expected. The conclusion would probably be the weakest part; maybe it just needs a few additional words: “Gruwell took her seat in the office for her review…and with the continued passion of what she knew was right by students and the world.” She proved her “rivals” wrong by continuing the thankless by others, but knowing the students would be changed forever….? Nice Job!
I agree with you I think that Erin helped them out and provided something safe for the students to go and be themselves and not have to worry about what their parents said was their “own kind”. What really hit me was the quote from the boy who got evicted, he didn’t even want to go to school, but when he realized that he had his fellow students and classroom. He called it home, I have been through not having a place to call home and when someone goes out of their way to provide you something like that, it makes you unselfish. Erin did help the students but ultimately it was the students choice if they were going to change their lives or not. I did not see any big spelling errors of mistakes but then again I am not very good at pointing out those sorts of things. Any who great paper Danielle you did a great job.
Sounds like a great movie, as well as a good topic to write about. You picked a good focusing question. When you talk about how miss Gruwell plays the Line Game I have no idea what that is so you might want to expand on that and let us know how its played and why it was or is significant to the students chage. I’m not going to go into the grammatical or spelling errors because I’m sure everybody has those and they will be corrected soon if not already. You have soom good sorces, although some times I’m not sure why you are using a source’s quote or why it was important to your paper, so maybe you could follow them with a more concise sentence as to why you chose it. Good job.
This paper was a great essay. The opening was captivating and inviting. I love these kinds of drama’s myself. I love movies that reflect real life that are inspiring and motivating. Just like Dangerous mind this movie is meant to inspire the younger generation and adults alike. This paper was well thought out. It was also a kind of in your face type of movie. The writer caught that idea and played with it as well. The writer also brings these ideas to us by asking some pertinent questions of us. This topic is close to my heart as both my parents were teachers and I myself am going to become a teacher as well. It is interesting that we claim to do all this for the students but when the money is tight it is the students who get DINGED first. This paper was not only well written but obviously well thought out and laid out. GREAT JOB!
nice blog sources. i never thought about that: using blog reviews to relate comments from a blog to a movie then to using them in your paper. sounds like a good topic for you, sounds like this movie was a topic that was easy for you to write about. i liked how you tied in your focusing queston throughout the paper. Yea u got to wonder why some teachers would put them into a situation like that. they either really want to do something that helps out the problems students may be facing in a particular community or they have no other option. i don’t quite believe my second option. a teacher needs to be extrememly dedicated to her profession to go into a neighborhood like that and expect to make a difference. i think you were right by saying, a teacher doesn’t gain trust by concrete things he or she does but rather in showing them the way and “not talking down on them”. this teacher didn’t neccesarily talk a gangster into throwing his gun away, but she implied the realization that it was the wrong thing to doing. but student on the other hand didn’t know any better before she came. it was probably protection from the harsh, brutal lifestyle of the neighbor’hood’.